Have you ever met ‘That Girl’ in the street you just want to avoid and not make eye contact with in the hope she doesn’t see you in your sorry state. ‘That Girl’ is perfectly dressed, has flawless skin, a good career and great social life. ‘That Girl‘ makes you feel like you are not in her league.

Since I’ve become a mummy I found myself getting into conversation with a ‘That Girl’ on a number of occasions . The conversation usually goes like this.

That girl: What are you doing with yourself now that you are back from London?

Me: Oh, I don’t know. I’m just a mummy now.

That girl: She tilts the head and half smiles…. That’s nice.

That’s nice!!

Those two little words drive me crazy. Sometimes you just know that ‘That girl’doesn’t really believe being a mummy is nice. How do I know? I used to be ‘That Girl’.

Before I got pregnant with Leila, I had never warmed to children, I didn’t wanted one, never mind two. I was happy doing my own thing, enjoying life and having a fun job where I met so many people.

Now, I wear gym gear 90% of the time because I can’t be bothered piecing together an outfit, that would waste to much of my daily thinking power. I rarely wash my hair. I have acne, I’m pale and I’m covered in bruises and mummy wounds from the oven and cheese grater. Our home is full of plastic pound shop toys and our carpet has vomit stains all over  it.

Well, being just a mummy has taught me so many things I never knew I could do.  I’m now a nurse with a first aid kit full of Doc McStuffins plasters and I have an endless supply of magic hugs. I’m a baker, a cook, a cleaner, a monster catcher at 3.48am. I can now remove a spider without drawing attention to the fact that i’m screaming inside. I can now change nappies quicker than the speed of light. I can go weeks with very little sleep.

I can make up songs that deserve a Grammy Award. Leila especially loves Baa Baa Pink Sheep. I can carry two children under my arms out of Tesco (combined weight almost 5st) while holding car keys in my mouth and all the shopping, meanwhile my three year old is kicking her legs, having a tantrum because she isn’t allowed the Frozen Anna hairband which has been marked down to £1.50. Thankfully that doesn’t happen to often.

I could write a book about many of the lies I have told my daughter just to get her to play ball. I now eat crusts covered in slabbers because I just don’t know when I will eat again. I have unbelievable bladder control that I didn’t think was possible. I’m now a comedian and can entertain a group of 3 year olds beautifully for a whole afternoon. I could tell you where the bathrooms are located in most of the supermarkets and shopping centres around Northern Ireland.

I’ve learnt to remain calm when my sleepwalking hallucinating child is millimetres away from falling down the stairs, and out of nowhere I turn in Usain Bolt. I’m fabulous at removing golf ball lumps of play doh from my 7 month old baby’s mouth. As I write this the noise level and chaos has magnified in our house and I have tuned out. Definitely one great mummy power.Lovely mess

When my baby is choking and he can’t get a  breath when strapped in his carseat, I’ve mastered the long jump from the front passenger seat to the back and still manage to get him out and over my knee in record time.

The sight of a snotty nosed, grubby child used to turn me. Now my two lovely angels have mastered the art of being boggin’ whilst smiling through their snotters. I have taught myself to sew a rag doll, in a single evening, when 3 weeks ago, I could barely sew a button onto a shirt. I am the master of boiling the kettle over and over again throughout the day, holding onto the vain hope that I will actually sit down to drink a whole a cup of tea.

I’ve learnt  that how you cut a sandwich is more important than what you put in inside. God forbid if you cut it into squares and they wanted soldiers. I’ve learnt the importance of time keeping. I now work out what time that I need to leave by adding on an hour onto what seems reasonable. I know that children listen to every word you say. The word s**t was her first bad word, now ‘ya numpty’ features regularly.

So, do I want to be a ‘That Girl’, if I could go back would I? 

No, I wouldn’t change my life for anything. I’m super proud to be just a mum and I salute all you hard working mummies out there. The only thing I would change, if I could, would be extending those precious few more hours in the evening so I could clean the house properly, wash all the clothes, get that cup of tea, learn how to keep a basil plant alive and maybe get some sleep.

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